Immersion Worship

Nobody likes having their picture taken for ‘official’ documents. I’m one of those people that never likes having their picture taken for anything really, but I especially don’t like having a photo taken for such things as my passport, my Green Card, and as we are about to find out, my Drivers License.

The thing is that it’s almost impossible to look half way decent on such official documents. They always require you to use backgrounds that are way too clinical, and then they overlight it so the picture comes out all washed out. Its hard not to look like a corpse in those kind of photos, I find.

Having said that, when I was going through my immigration shenanigans back in 2004, I was quite pleased with the picture that the friendly guy at the Department of Motor Vehicles (who happened to look exactly like Mr. Miyagi, by the way). Look:



That’s not too shabby, in my opinion, and is actually a very close approximation of what I look like, so all in all I was quite pleased with.

That picture was taken back in 2004. My Drivers License expired this year and so I had to go and renew it and get a new photo taken. And this is where my disdain and hearty detestation for the DMV really shows through. After I’d paid my $28 renewal fee and filled out the paperwork, I go over to the desk with the camera to be processed for a new photos. Mr. Miyagi was no longer there (and that makes me wonder if it actually was Mr. Miyagi last time, since Pat Morita has died since then). Instead, the desk and its camera were being controlled by a rather furious and angry looking matron who was clearly having a bad day. I cheerily handed her my paperwork with a smile, and she grunted something to the effect of “stand over there and face the camera”. I moved to the position, began to turn around to compose myself for the picture, and while I’m mid-turn, the flash goes off and Photo Matron declares that I’m done, hands me a print out of my temporary license, and tells me to wait a couple of months to get my new one in the mail.

I swear I shall forever be scarred by what that lady did to me. I am certain she photoshopped that picture or something. Last week, to my horror, this arrived:



“Oh dear” doesn’t quite capture the emotion, does it? Not only is this just a…terrrible…nay, AWFUL…picture that has caught me in a candid moment of a mid-turn, post breakfast burp, it also concerns me that, should I ever be stopped by a cop for a traffic violation, there are some questions that I just know are going to come up.

1. You are clearly drunk in this picture. Are you drunk now?
2. Are you still taking your Tourette’s medication?
3. Do you have any other photo ID taken after your heart had been restarted and you were released from the morgue?
4. Where did that suspicious double chin come from, and where do you keep it now?

Perhaps worse of all is the expiry date on this. I have to carry this thing with me until 2013. Any time I get asked for ID, this is what I have to show.

Oh the humanity.

Rhonda and I are in Spokane, Washington right now. For those of you geographically challenged, Seattle is in the top left corner of The United States of USA, and Spokane is about 300 miles east of Seattle, a stone’s throw from the Idaho border.

We flew in last night on a plane that many people would simply call “a crop duster”, while I would call it an Embraer ERJ-145. Zippy little regional jet. We traveled with Rhonda’s parents; the look on everyone’s face when they saw the size of the plane was priceless; I wish I had my camera ready. For me, it’s another type of aircraft to chalk of on my “I’ve flown on one of those” list, and is the only direct service from LAX to Spokane, although it stops in September for some reason. Anyway, I found the aircraft to be quite comfortable.

The same can’t be said for our hotel. Whatever you do, if you’re ever in Spokane, don’t stay at The Ridpath Hotel. It’s less of a hotel and more of just a place to try and sleep. Don’t go there. We’ll just leave it at that for now.

We’re here for Rhonda’s cousin’s wedding, and we’re here until tomorrow evening, when we shall fly back via another “crop duster” (actually a CRJ-200) from Spokane to Portland, then from Portland on to LAX (on a 737-400). The wedding is tonight, so that means that we have tomorrow morning to find out exactly what Spokane does/does not have to offer the casual tourist.

And if I find anything of interest, I’ll be sure to let all ya’ll know.

I was on TV again. This is becoming a habit…



What’s more worrying is that I just realized that I’ve worn the same pair of short in the July 4th parade for the last 3 years. I need more shorts, apparently.